Hey all! Long time no update of anything on this site; apologies for that. I lost my grandfather who raised me, and I haven't been up to doing much of anything in the time since. He died January 8th, and we burried him a week after that. The next semester of grad school is starting though, so its time for me to start working hard, whether I'm ready or not, so here I am.
I don't have much to say about the loss, and certainly nothing to say that is profound. I wrote something for my family that I'm gonna include here, but its not much. All the same, I want some record of the loss on this site while I work up to a full transcription of who my grandpa was and what he meant to me and my family.
We said goodbye to my grandpa one last time today. The funeral service was so hard to get through, but I was very lucky to have had the years I did with him as the best grandfather I could have asked for. I know he wouldn’t want me wallowing in sadness, but it’s so easy to sink into a pit, when all I wanna do is talk to him one more time.
His last words to me were “I love you”, and that is a comfort I will never forget. I miss him every day, and know that with his passing, a piece of me is gone too. He raised me with my parents, bringing me up while they were at work, and in that time, I loved him as I love my father, and mother, and with his loss I feel a pain more profoundly affecting than anything I’ve experienced.
I keep going back to Les mis through this. I had a big musical theatre phase in high school, and grandpa was always ready and excited to hear about the shows I had become so passionate for. To this day, Les mis is my favorite, and a line from it has been circling my mind since grandpas passing.
“There’s a grief that can’t be spoken, a pain that goes on and on”.
The world is so empty now, and it has lost so much. I’m numb, I’m done. I want to talk to him again. I want him to comfort me and tell me it’s gonna be okay.
He always had a way of carrying the weight of the world without a single anxious thought or complaint. He took on the tribulations of life with a smile and a joke that lights the room, and that’s something I will dearly miss.
I love you grandpa, I love you.